a screenshot of my timetable from last week.
a so-so week. plenty to do, but manageable. the week before was crazy.
i save it here to remind me that if "paced" out, i can still have a rather functional and acceptable life in and around my workload.

...
i don't know why i am easily affected by too many things. actually, i should be, in every sense. cause it's about me too. i wish i wasn't so affected and be able to say - whatever happens, i'll just accept it. maybe it would be easier. if i had it my way, i would rather not spread myself thin. cause, honestly, am worn out. and i can't help it, i doubt so many things now. how do i believe anything under these circumstances? 


so what if i got the spine and the willpower to take what comes my way and make things work? when everything, at this point, is not for me to decide on. if you really think about it nothing is up to me. you know what's harder than to have to make life-changing decisions, is not being able to make those decisions. Or at least the decisions i truly wish for myself.


the funny thing is, my gut tells me what is gonna happen. i know.
so why do i believe it could be otherwise?
am a fool aren't i? so stupidly smart to have it figured out and not be able to turn away.
this might just be what makes me human. my flaw: the sacrifice of believing.

...

this is turning out to be a thoroughly gloomy thought bubble.
got a pin to pop it?

the friendliest rodent-trap i have ever seen. hee hee.
found at blog.makezine.com
if like me, you live to be amused and devour the ideas/stories
brought about by others thoughts - browse the site, please.
they have curious pieces of info like the Beatles music, deconstructed.
and how to hack a security camera with a helium balloon... really!
...
oh! i forgot to mention - a few days ago i was sitting between my dad
and mom on the couch. and to stop them from talking about my
"relationship" crises (intentionally plural), i said, "Oh, i have
something new to show you. Don't worry it's not another body
piercing." and promptly flashed them my tattoo. it felt like one of
those kiddie-am naughty "Look ma-no hands!" scenarios.

(((oops. did i not mention that here yet? hahaha. will post a picture
up soon.)))

anyways, i have the coolest parents in the world. they laughed, then
hugged me, clearly accepting all of my strangeness. they scrutinised
my lopsided little-prince inspired shooting stars, the kicked-up
trails of tails and the free-formed word in latin. and they were kind
enough not to ask "why veritas?". hahaha.

it's not hard to figure out why all that- is meaningful enough for me
to have imprinted forever. i know my parents are worried. i wish i
could tell them a different story - something a little happier and
less troubling. here's where the heavy conjunction comes - however,
it hasn't been that happy a time for me. but it should be, soon
enough. perhaps. :)
...

eating my very late, soupy-mooshy dinner, my companion told me,
"What are those thoughts dancing around in your head?"
before i could think it through, i spat, "How'd you know?"
bewildered he said, "Know what, Louise?"
hahaha. it's the second time this happened to me today. the other was
at work, and someone reading an album title that was playing on my
iTunes, out loud. I shrieked "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???" and almost
fainted. hahaha.
am at like the ends of my nerves and am hearing the wrong things.

Almost like the time my art director asked me to spell film.
he said, and i heard "Louise, how do you spell phlegm?".
Ewww. i was grossed out, and figured it was wrong. so i spewed out
the closest words: " f-r-a-m-e. f-l-a-m-e... can you please use
hyperdictionary dot com- for the love of god! " hahahaha

...
out-of-body soul leaping moment. my crush (god knows what he really
is to me) - he's online! :)