i was looking for an appropriate picture
in my phone to sum up my past few days.
here it is.
a banana with my half-done doodle of JT on it.
HAHAHA
hmmm.... it does kinda look like him, i think.

not really, JT looks much nicer than a banana.
HAHAHA

i am strange.
...

now am singing to "Good morning Baltimore."
from the movie hairspray.
singing on loop.
on top of my lungs.
with a phantom microphone.

i know my housemates will
kick-down my door any moment now
and gag me :D
one look at me and you'd never think
i am capable of such
insanity haha.

ok.

i am strange.
...

i am strange.
i should probably not think of lemongrass lotion as much as i do.

...

had a BRILLIANT day today.
which i cannot write about here or i'll get kicked out of phlog,
but it was absolutely wonderful :)

image: joyce toy-shopping with me and jt.
up up & away!
....

i got home, and immediately my phone rings.
"Hey Louise, how was your day?"

HOW?
blink, blink.

(((( today tasted like vanilla . and i my pen bled to death in my
hand. i watched a disco ball spin. ))))
why can't i answer people things that are really in my head?!

"Erm, it was nice."
...

my kryptonite: a disarmed smile.

...

but my day actually:
had lunch with Jon and Weng at (ta-da!) Pre-rouge.
sneaked out for 10 minutes to look at a house (a room, really) up at
emerald hill.
pondered over the possibility that i might be drinking every-single-
night if i live there.
while waiting for my strawberry mojito which never came.

all of the sudden
i had to meet danny in Katong. (please don't ask me where that is)
we shopped around for furniture and i realised
we have the same simplest of tastes - with a twist!

after a long afternoon.
i grin now. i MRT-ed (YES, I KNOW HOW TO RIDE A TRAIN) to meet nic at
borders.
i accompanied her for dinner with a wine spritizer in hand.
hehe


and of course all-in-between all that time A LOT has happened.
FULL CHAPTERS in my life story.

i throw my arms up to heavens...
ok, tell me what to do.

hahaha

...

Last night, while fever-ing
and with nothing better to do
I browsed over my shelf and realised that
most books i buy - come in pairs.
answers with more questions.
guy perspective + girl perspective.
good vs evil.

and since i might have to move soon,
i decided to "let go" of some reads i do not have space for.

...

here's one listing i have on eBay:

2 BOOKS BUNDLED TOGETHER. For just $30
You get -
Book 1: "he's just not that into you" by greg behrendt, writer of
sex and the city. best seller. (paperback)
Book 2: "be honest - you're not that into him either" by ian kerner,
author of she comes first. (hard cover)

Please do note, these books are about 3 years old.
Still good condition, slightly yellowed edges, no creases.
Cried and laughed over but no tear-stains or claw marks.
They enjoyed afternoons at the poolside with a grateful reader (me)
who has somewhat gotten over relationship issues.

You will love them as a pair!

Picture shown are the actual items on sale.
C.O.D.
...
STRICTLY: For local pickup only.
Please know that I am not running a business, just doing a virtual
garage sale.
I live in the Orchard area, and work long hours. You may pick-up items
between 9.30-11pm on weekdays || or weekend 8.30am-4pm
C.O.D. : At least you can view the items before you even buy them :)

...

check out more on eBay :)

just a short clip of a memory from today
looking at shelves of blender:

if i could mix all the ingredients from all the perfect things i find
in different guys,
life would be (sip) quite sweet :)

am not complaining.
i like the guy who is in my mind right now, just fine :)
never mind.
hahaha
...

i should be exhausted right now.
i have had a long week... which tumbled right into the weekend.

every single day the past week
i'd come home to a debris-filled room, cause they have
excavated my tub (yes, it's ancient. only an archeologist can tell
its origins hahaha)
and chipped off part of my wooden floor to reach a leaking pipe.
i would have to dust and vacuum my bed for 15 minutes every night
just to have a
decent spot to sleep in. and my plumber would knock at 9am promptly,
which meant
that i had to somehow negotiate with my body clock -
run to the common bathroom before 4 other people do and
out of the house before the pounding began.

this of course happened in the week that
my wisdom tooth decided to appear (after decades)
and in the process tried to kill me ( i think)
it gave me a helluva migrane, fever and sleepless nights in
excruciating pain.
and - oh, it costs a fricking fortune too.
AND... it was also the time i was entrenched in the reality that
all people, no matter how much they say they care for you -
are self centred:
"You're having a minor surgery this thursday? Does that mean you
won't be coming for ----?!" or "Louise, you CANNOT do this to me NOW.
I NEED YOU HERE!"
or "So, i guess you're not gonna be there tonight. Pout, pout." --
mind you, these are friends i consider
friends - no "Are you ok?" or "Do you need anything - time to heal,
perhaps?" or "Aspirin?"
i tell you... i had to sneak tears away.
it's not funny when you realise people don't give a shit about you,
really.

not to mention the daily torture that came with super tight
deadlines, and frantic people at work.
yes, on top of running around in the times squeezed out from the
impossible, to fetch contest prizes and
help shoot something.

and then, it seemed all of my friends needed to be listened to and
understood.
those i love, i love dearly. never mind that i sacrifice precious
sleep - i am that way -
but this week, often i would think, how can i help them fix their
lives - when am pretty
fucked up right now?

and then there were the nagging panic that woke me up in jolts.
- I STILL haven't found a house to move into yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
while in the day time my art director
kept reminding me about moving to another desk - already. soon. now.
louise.

the next morning, i had a smile on again.
this is how i am.

i ate on my desk for lunches
while speed-thinking-writing just to meet my deadlines.
frowned at my half-eaten breakfasts
and cold, ruined coffee after meetings.

of course, i had a minor breakdown.
i vanished and cried.

and i wanted to run to danny, cause he's the only
one i know who's pretty much detached from my
entire CRAZY life but still plays a
huge part of it. probably the only one who can
calm me down too, now that i think about it... hmmm.
but because i am the way i am, and i knew he was busy -
i didnt want to burden anyone with my problems,
i went home
and cried in my dusty mess.
but as it goes...

i am ok now.
maybe cause in my world
where everything is constantly changing -
i know that the changes that are happening now
are probably for a better happy ending.

God, I hope so.

Ok.
Another lunch hour, at my desk.
I don't care - I will blog and thoroughly enjoy this first before I dig into little piles of statistics that to a mere copywriter, is absolutely incomprehensible.
...
A screenshot, of The Planet's Superheroes. hahaha
I cannot name them, unfortunately - or i would be BRUTALLY murdered.HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
They were unthinkably GAME and did tasks, in public,
in full costume and in perfect character - mind you
and had us all with laugh-knots in our tummies for days!
:)
...
Someone, save me!
HAHAHA
It must be the vanilla candles we've lit up to
ward off funky smells, while setting a more conducive work area - but now I am in desperate need of sleep.
...
I was writing in my private journal last night, in my bed
and almost empty room at 3 am and it struck me - I have always expected so much from myself. My entire life. And my dwindling or more appropriately - side-tracked
progress in some parts badly need a firm spanking
...
Switched on.
I have a button that allows me to control stop-or-start feeling "feelings" for certain people. Only certain people.
It's kinda weird. I wish I knew how it works so I can apply it to everyone, in general. And to that MAN i absolutely adore but probably shouldn't so much.

"click". Off-ed now.
Shit. it's not working!
HALPPPPPPPPPP!
...
ok - i gotta work for real.
That's why am stuck on this desk at lunch, right.
BAHHHHHHH!

They told us that turi beach was just about a 15min walk along the coast
from our villa.

The first day, we took more than an hour.
hahaha

there were long narrow jetties and pathways and pockets of
tiny shores to explore.

it was funnnnnnnn! :)

JT, Nic and I climbed down to scribble our names on the sand.
pix c/o nic :) thanks nic!!!!

We didn't want to leave.
Happily and making no fuss-at-all we accepted the fact they could not
book us the
ferry we wanted and kept pushing it towards the end of the day.
Eventually and reluctantly - we took the last ferry out. hahaha.

But as JT says,
good things end so that other good experiences will begin.
hahaha. Sounds familiar? scroll down maybe 100 blog entries back from
this.

it was a thoroughly enjoyable mini-escape.
quite memorable too.

can't wait for my next trip! :)

That's me and sab (carrying a borders bag, i don't know why - haha).

We waded at the still-est-ever beach
which only rippled when we got in.

And there were creepy, crawling creatures everywhere.
Shells with claws. haha. I know it's a beach!

PRAWN!!!!
run.............!

pix c/o nic :) thanks nic!!!!

This is probably one of the very few full group shots - of all of us.

It was a beoooooootiful weekend.
(blink, blink)
of swim, sun, spa, seafood, some alcohol (i didn't want a hangover and not
enjoy the rest of the trip)
and seriously the luxury of un-thinking staring into swaying trees,
empty spaces. and sleep
in swirls of breeze.

maybe fern has a picture of our villa, is was - huge!
will post if and when.

we stayed at this place called Nongsa Village and it was outright quaint, but massive. hahaha.

2-floors. it sat on a side of a hill. with a huge porch that
overlooked a horizon of constantly swaying trees. a squirrel here and there and a lizard the size of my arm
that climbed trees.

i haven't cooked in a while so - even a simple thing was great joy for me.we cooked our breakfasts and stuff.

and while everyone played with cards, i would happily and greedily
soak in the moments of pure nothingness.
which was PERFECT.

i wanted an escape.
a non-thinking,
no decisions to be made
weekend.

for once.

and i had it :)
am so grateful.

look at the picture.
sabrina is on the top left.
she's always been hilarious and entertaining. a long-legged clumsy
oaf who will somehow manage to trip and bruise herself in the most
unglamorous way, but nevertheless - beautiful in every sense.

that's me in the middle.

nic, wearing the cap.
she's possibly the most sensible one among all of us. hahaha. but
that doesn't make
her any less odd. we all are. hahaha. i completely adore her.

at the very edge, and the only guy: JT.
he's always mindful of all of us. he was probably a handful when he
was a child. talks about the most random things ceaselessly (which
came pretty handy haha), and maybe 3x as much in his head all the
time. he has this way of having even complete strangers laugh with him.

there's jean at the bottom left.
she's a quiet person who keeps to herself but can be funny-silly like
everyone else hahaha.

and then, there's fern.
she's quite a character too haha. she's sweet and always so gentle
mannered, but she makes me crack-up
with the way she sees things.

pix c/o: nic :) thanks nic!

i don't think any one of us has ever
smiled this much
that way
for a long time.

:)

what a 30 minute ferry-ride away
from our lives does.

pix c/o nic :) thanks nic!!!!

CNN told me this today:

Sex change for 7 year olds.
A lost parrot tells the vet where he lives.
Witches burnt to death.

WHAT IS GOING ON?
Am so disturbed, intrigued.
...

for some (god-forbid!) emergency reasons - i can understand why even kids
need a sex change.
but other than that... no! that is a choice they can make for themselves
when they are more
knowledgeable and can make intelligent choices. like when they're 18!
not when they're 7, and have their parents decide for them!
isn't that a very personal choice?
i am horrified!
i was quite tomboyish as a kid - i played rough. I kicked and ran like a
boy.
and i cannot imagine if my parents had thought, "I don't think she'll ever
grow out of this."
...

a lost parrot, CNN says
flew out of its cage and then when authorities found him - he kept his trap
shut.
then at the vet, he spoke his owner's name and his address.
it checked as true.
amazing. hahaha.

...

the weather is daunting.
rain. shine. rain. shine.
even the sky can't decide what it wants today.
:s

which leads me to me: what do i want?
what do i really want?
not confused.
overwhelmed.

and needing some MORE time alone now.
hahahahaha.

i LOVEEEEE this image.
it makes no sense at all to me.
HAHAHA.

found as i was searching for an image for "WHY?" thru google.
at a site by natalie dee.
she's got quirk.
i like!!!!
...

you might be wondering why i was even googling for an image under "why?"
i was ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN i would find a picture of me
with my hands thrown up to the sky
and screaming "Why me?!!!!!"

oh GAWD! i am demented.
hahahaha.
of course there isn't.
instead i saw an illustration what lead to the fishy that's here.

...

i am pulling my hair
and taking deep breaths.
this, all this - is BEYOND surreal.

and if there's a more convoluted word for complicated,
this moment in my life would be the descriptor.

...

maybe i should just stop.
everything.
and look at things from a different angle.
maybe it'll be clearer what i want or what i need to do.

God, am serious, help.
where are you?
this isn't funny!

i forgot what it meant so i googled it, and the image popped up.
a rhombus. (image c/o: google search)
a parallelogram with 4 equal sides.

slanted.
but still a verifiable shape.
...

why am i writing about shapes?
i was talking to someone about how there are so many sides
to a coaxial incident/event/relationship.

so many angles in a story.
too many different elements to consider
(past impressions, philosophies, whatnot)
to be able to say that someone
knows EXACTLY what you're talking about.
at all.

and so when that particular person, i was just talking to
said "I know exactly what you're going through."
I wanted to weep.

Because no one in this world would ever
understand how deeply beautiful
and wrenchingly-heartbreaking
it is to find what i did.

there will never be any "right" answer
to something as profound as this.

and you know what?
it sucks.
big time.

THANK YOU
creator of the xkcd site
for this image
and
for showing me
how to laugh
at the
most absurd
things
we think
and do.


hahaha.