Oh what a beautiful lake!
The green glistens like emerald
The blue emerges from the water
Creating a perfect hue of turquoise

Oh I want to jump on it!
Exploring the mystery behind its beauty
Whirling my way to a romanticism
Floating on it with an endless grin

Oh I know there’s danger lurking!
Has many faces and comes in different form
It might strangle me, choke me, stab me
Until I feel numb and broken inside

Oh how perfect the water is!
I know there’s a big chance I might get drown
But I jump anyway, heart first on the water
There’s always a price for such beauty

I’ve been running all these time
Sometimes I slowed down,
I even stopped every now and then
But after a while I ran again

And I kept on running and running
Until one day I found the reason to stop
So I stopped…

How long I’ll be stopping? I don’t know
But I hope I won’t have to run no more

Sat 06.01.07
After a long day at studio, mixing the final soundtrack for the H commercial, I got a text message from Mr. Dimples asking whether I had plans or not that night.

I was almost screamed at that time, totally didn’t expect that. It was definitely one of out of the blue moments in my life.

Long story short, he finally picked me up at the studio and we went to Senayan City to have dinner. Okay he also invited his high school friend, and for a while I felt a little bit intimidated. But I actually had a nice time, his friend was definitely awesome.

He dropped me at the house, even though his house was like Z compare to my A house.

Later that night, we chatted and I got this message from his friend saying ‘I’m sure we’re gonna meet again’, and I was like ‘Huh… does it mean what I think it is?’

----------

Sun 07.01.07
During the chat, I sorta asked him out for a movie. So we met up again Senayan City (He actually wanted to pick me up and we just went to the cinema near in my suburb, but I refused. I gotta get out of this place for once.), the most convenient place for both of us.

We watched Night at the Museum, wasn’t the best movie of all, but it’s very hilarious.

Then we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant, I learned that he didn’t like uncooked food, like Sushi and all that. Oh… and he also didn’t like cheese and cream, so whenever he went to Italian restaurant, he’d ask to not put cheese or cream. Kinda weird for that one, I mean who wouldn’t like cheese? Him apparently.

We talked for hours, before we finally moved to another place, which is Tea Gallery. Had cup of tea, and talked for hours again.

When we parted, another out of the blue moments in my life, cause he kissed me!!! Kissed me!!! Well… okay it’s not on the lips, but merely pecks on the cheeks, but man was I surprised?

It didn’t really get into me at first, cause I was really shocked. But when I got home… man!! I was waaaaaay above cloud 9.

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Wed 10.01.07
He asked me out for dinner after work! So we went to the nearest place around our office, which was Setiabudi One. We had Japanese curry, and again long talk.

He asked me, whether I wanted to watch a play with home on Sunday. Of course I said yes, never mind I’d never been one and never mind I thought it’d be boring, so long I have him as my company, I’d be good.

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Fri 12.01.07
He had to work overtime, poor thing! But we went to have a drink at Setiabudi One. Before we had to part, me to go home and him go back to work.

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Sun 14.01.07
It was a long excruciating day. Can’t believe the waiting…

Finally he came to pick me up, sorta met Mom, unofficially. We had dinner, which wasn’t that good but the company was good so it was okay.

Then we went to the play. It was actually quite funny and entertaining, but man… was it long? The theater was hot and there were lots of mosquitoes, which I really hated.

When it finished, he put his hand on the small of my back to lead me, which made me really nervous and losing my balance. I almost died of embarrassment.

When he dropped me off, I took a bold move by giving him a peck on the cheek.

Definitely one of the greatest week of my life.

1. Fallen in love with someone you can't
Nope, I haven't fallen in love in a veey long time.

2. Missed someone too bad til you can't sleep at night?
Not really missed, just lately I can't help but thinking about him before I succumb to my beauty sleep.

3. Kissed a member of the same sex on their lips?
Nope.

4. Been so depressed?
Hell yeah!! Up until to the point when I have no reason to go to work anymore.

5. Been dumped?
How can you be dumped if you don't have any relationships in the first place?

6. Spent more than 5 hours in front of your TV?
Yeah, watching Amazing Race marathon, what a perfect way to spend a Saturday!

7. Gone out with friends and got back home at 2 in the morning?
Not for going out, but for work yes.

8. Had only 4 hours sleep?
No, I don't think so. I'd really like to have minimum of 6 hours sleep so I won't be cranky in the morning.

9. Got drunk so badly?
Nope, never been drunk in my whole life.

10. Made a fake smile while you're hurting inside?
Yeah I think so.

11. Been miles away from the one you love?
Nope.

12. Slit your arms just to see blood and feel better?
And what? Scarred my perfect skin? Yeah right!

13. Had a thought to suicide?
Never. There's so many things I haven't done or seen, life's too good to be wasted that way.

14. Lost 10 pounds in a week?
More like gaining 10 pounds in a week... haha.. kidding!

15. Pretended that you're sick just to skip school?
Well... the thought has crossed my mind once or twice, but I'm too good to actually do it.

16. Fallen asleep in the classroom?
More like fallen asleep in my desk at the office.

17. Spent 100 bucks to shop at once?
Yes... for iPod video, wen't broke afterwards.

18. Ever had a bad kiss?
Sadly yes!

19. Hurt someone so bad?
Yes, I think I did.

20. What kind of pain recently do you feel?
Pain of the waiting to see him and speak to him even if it only for a brief time.

You won't believe what happened today!

So I woke up after taking my afternoon nap, and got 3 missed calls on my cellphone. The first on the list was my friend J. Then I also had another text message from a number that I didn't recognize.

I read the message and guess who it was from!!! Well... none other than HIM!!!!!! And I was like screaming, jumping and was like OMG OMG!!!!

He asked me whether I had a plan for the night, if not he asked me to join him to his friend's party.

See... no wonder I was jumping and grinning like crazy.

I hurriedly called my friend J, just in case she also asked me to join the party. Turned out that she was checking what my reaction would be, cause he asked her (out of the blue) to give him my number.

So I finally replied his message, I almost said yes I'd love to come with you. But I didn't, cause simply I already had plan for the night, dinner date with my parents. I can't just ditch my parents!! So I politely refuse, but I added 'maybe some other times'. He seems to understand.

Of course I didn't get to go out with him, but the fact that he asked me to join him to his friend's party meant a lot to me.

It's definitely going to be a good year for me. Happy New Year!

I'm deliriously happy!! The reason for that is I sort of have a crush on someone, but that's not really the main reason. I'd better write more about him so it'll make sense.

So there's this guy at work, we're not in the same department, we don't share the same room, we only meet during the lunch break, and even that doesn't happen everyday. So basically we only chatted for a while every now and then.

Then one day this colleague of mine (J), whom happened to be the one who introduced us, proposed this weird idea of me going out with him, cause she said we'd make a great couple. It's weird because well... we don't know each other.

I didn't listen to her. Time goes by... sometimes we met on lunch break, chatted, shared pleasanteries... and one day I looked at him and suddenly something hit me "Hey... he's cute, funny, kind and definitely more mature than I am. Maybe J is right, maybe we'd make a great couple." And that's when I started to have crush on him.

It's funny and still weird because we don't know each other, hell... we've barely seen each other. How come I have a crush on him? I don't know the answer to that except that it just happens.

So I started to count the moments when we happened to have lunch at the same time, and silently prayed that we'd share the same table. It didn't work out the way I wanted it to be, sometimes I felt disappointed about it. But the moment I saw him, I felt much much better.

I'm not an upfront girl, so I've been keeping this crush for quite some time now. I tried to be cool whenever I saw him, when in fact my heart flipped and suddenly I couldn't stop smiling.

I talked to some people, and they all said that I have to do something about it. Get to know him a little bit more, and see where it'll take me. Honestly... that's what I've been trying to do. I've tried to overcome my shyness and lack of ability to say what I feel.

I sort of gave myself a pat on the shoulder for what I did yesterday. So yesterday was his birthday and I sent him a Happy Birthday message, since I didn't go to the office yesterday. I know... I know... it's not really an accomplishment, but for me it was! You have no idea the time I spent to find the perfect birthday greetings for him

When I sent it, I sort of expected for him to reply it or something, but didn't really put my hopes that high, in case well... he was being a boy and wouldn't care less about it. But he did send me a reply!!!!

And that's what makes me went over the moon. Just a simple message from him, and I was grinning like a fool. He said that his birthday was filled with lots of sugar (from cakes, chocolates, donuts), which made me laugh. Then he wished me Happy New Year and asked me where would I spend my New Year holiday? He said he'd be staying at the beach.

So call me crazy or simply acting like a silly teenager, whatever! I'm deliriously happy! And it's enough for now. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Let me worry about the other things later, now I'm gonna enjoy my high-without-sugar-or-drugs state.

Read this beautiful passage about Michael Vartan, courtesy of topsynergy.com Ooh... who wouldn't want a guy with these traits?

******

The ABCs of Michael Vartan's Relationships

Tenderhearted and sympathetic to an unusual degree, Michael Vartan has an understanding of other people's feelings and needs which borders on telepathy. Michael Vartan is extremely compassionate and cannot bear to see any fellow creature - human or animal - suffer. Because of his kindness and nonjudgmental attitude, people suffering from pain or confusion are drawn to Vartan for help, which he readily gives. Sometimes Vartan's soft-heartedness is taken advantage of.

He is a gentle, poetic soul and has a great love and affinity for music. Because many of his feelings are vague and he cannot easily verbalize how he experiences life, music seems a natural language for Vartan. He is also extremely romantic and often "in love with love".

Michael Vartan has a soft exterior and tends to relate very personally and sympathetically to other people. However, Michael sometimes lets his emotions overpower his reasoning and logic, and consequently he is sometimes biased in his opinions. Michael Vartan is impressionable and rather gentle, or at least that is the way he appears. His feelings are on the surface and Michael cannot hide his emotions.

Michael Vartan tends to be touchy, defensive and rather territorial, and if he perceives a threat to his family or home or personal safety, he can be quite aggressive. Sometimes Michael feels out of sorts and hostile for no apparent reason, and this is usually due to unexpressed, unresolved anger from the past. Michael Vartan also has a desire to lead, to compete, or to be a free agent, that he is not entirely conscious of. It is good for Vartan to have benign outlets and ways to let off steam on a regular basis, such as demanding physical work or athletics. Otherwise Michael Vartan may be rather hard to live with, even abusive in his relationships.

He is definitely not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Michael Vartan cares very much about others' opinions and craves love and appreciation as much as anyone - however one would never know it from Vartan's reserved and seemingly detached demeanor. Casual, superficial relationships do not interest Michael at all. He is cautious and serious about love and really desires deep, genuine, lasting relationships. Michael Vartan is old-fashioned about courtship and love relationships, and will remain faithful to his loved one in good times and in bad.

Michael Vartan may be attracted to older persons who are emotionally mature and reliable and can provide the security Michael desires.

Michael Vartan often hides his affection, or finds his feelings difficult to express or get across to the person he loves. Being openly affectionate and trusting often does not seem safe to Michael. He may feel his love will not be appreciated or reciprocated. Michael Vartan may get involved in secret love relationships or fall in love with a person who is quite unavailable to him. Love and sacrifice often seem to go hand in hand for Michael Vartan - having to give something up to be with the one he loves, or having to relinquish some person or some aspect of an important love relationship.

He is intensely amorous and attractive to the opposite sex, and is not inclined to friendly platonic relationships. There is a great deal of tension in his love relationships - often because Michael Vartan puts his desires ahead of his partner's, and is impatient to have his love needs satisfied. The whole arena of love relationships, romance and sex is endlessly fascinating to Michael Vartan and he is not happy without a love partner. Vartan can "burn himself out" by pouring so much of his energy into romance.

He is serious and finds it difficult to enjoy himself in a lighthearted, open and playful way with others. Michael Vartan rarely does something purely for pleasure, and can be very close-fisted and parsimonious. Perhaps due to painful separations in his early life, Michael is very cautious about becoming involved in close relationships and sharing his feelings. Though Vartan craves love and affection, intimacy is difficult for him. He may become romantically involved with people who do not value him or treat him well. Michael Vartan needs to learn to love and value himself before he finds happiness in love.

It may be hard for Michael Vartan to love someone and to express his love for them. There seems to be a wall built up between him and others and he seems very cool to them. His disposition is very reserved and withdrawn, making it difficult for people to approach him.

Apparently US has a different poster, which I thought much much cooler than the international one.

I watched it this evening and when it came to the part where John and Willy got trapped, I couldn't stopped bawling. It was just so sad.

The movie itself wasn't that great, in fact I think Nicholas Cage didn't act that much in this one. But man... the message that they're trying to convey really got into you.

In the end John (Nicholas Cage's character) said something about sure there's evil in this world, but beyond that there's always kindness, which was true.

I'm tired. Physically and emotionally.

The Japan trip I just had a week ago seemed like another lifetime.

The thing is, everything I do now is seemed like a burden. Like another baggage I have to carry on my back. Something I have to do, not what I want to do.

Feels like I'm always taking a deep breath, but never let go that breath.

Obviously I'm not happy.

“I’m trying to believe that my life is gonna change, don’t let me stop believing in it.”

Finally had the chance to write anything her. Have been a slave for work these past days for the same freaking client!

Gah! I wish they made up their mind already, I need to move on man!

But anyway... one week holiday, that's why I was so excited waking up this morning. Sunday I'll be jetting to Japan and I cannot wait. I really need the break, it's only a week, but better than nothing. I need to ease up my mind from everything.

Talked to V the other day and we're both stucked with work. I really miss being a student, when all you have to worry is dealing with Mr. Scoobie and well... the essay stuffs. But it was much simpler back then.

And I really miss Brisbane.

Did I make the right choice leaving the city that has been a big part of my life?