as i grumbled to a friend, with all those angels and saints above as
audience -
all who i implore for divine intervention
in the middle of every uncertainty -
they must be amused with all this that's happening
to me - all the theatrics. sigh.
i have never been the kind to think - ahead.
peter-pan-ing through life, just making the most of now.
believe me, that already takes a lot of energy.
but i do have some semblance of concern for the fast approaching,
whether am ready or not - all the possible forever(s) &
(maybe, who knows) happily-ever-after(s).
just that it has always been thoroughly exhausting
to make "NOW" work.
so Now.
Now - i have been stirred to think of things beyond this.
a bit overwhelming, since the path ahead is veined with a gazillion
potential could-be's. most will be tethered with issues on how
to be able to "handle" the way things are.
they say, there is only one outcome, eventually.
and that all paths lead to the same destination.
whatever that really means.
WHAT?! what's going on???? hahaha.
...
i know that this'll all eventually make sense
and that ALL THIS will at least give me the answers
i should have, for at least - my self.
in a few days i should be able to tell myself: this is what i want, am
certain
of it. and i will allow life to take me where i should go.
...
what coin-tosses or moodrings cannot see, the thoughts
that intrude in my sleep.
as i grumbled to a friend, with all those angels and saints above as
audience -
all who i implore for divine intervention
in the middle of every uncertainty -
they must be amused with all this that's happening
to me - all the theatrics. sigh.
i have never been the kind to think - ahead.
peter-pan-ing through life, just making the most of now.
believe me, that already takes a lot of energy.
but i do have some semblance of concern for the fast approaching,
whether am ready or not - all the possible forever(s) &
(maybe, who knows) happily-ever-after(s).
just that it has always been thoroughly exhausting
to make "NOW" work.
so Now.
Now - i have been stirred to think of things beyond this.
a bit overwhelming, since the path ahead is veined with a gazillion
potential could-be's. most will be tethered with issues on how
to be able to "handle" the way things are.
they say, there is only one outcome, eventually.
and that all paths lead to the same destination.
whatever that really means.
WHAT?! what's going on???? hahaha.
...
i know that this'll all eventually make sense
and that ALL THIS will at least give me the answers
i should have, for at least - my self.
in a few days i should be able to tell myself: this is what i want, am
certain
of it. and i will allow life to take me where i should go.
...
what coin-tosses or moodrings cannot see, the thoughts
that intrude in my sleep.
...
but, wait.
am thinking.